You only have 300,000 GitHub stars? Why are we even together anymore? You're too incompetent to do anything right and you're basically not even a real person; all you do is hide in your room and post on your stupid PCJ board. I've been thinking about dumping your ass for a few months now; I'm a catch yet you never seem to appreciate me and Becky said there are so many better guys out there so last month when you were busy shitposting about how Unicode is sentient AI I went out with her and ended up sleeping with Jared. This is your fault! All your fault. He's so much better than you, I hate you and I hate all the time I wasted with you. He wrote a deep neural network to decensor hentai and that alone makes him so much more attractive. I've wanted to have a WORD with you about this for a long time but I keep getting choked up, wondering if computers can be dyslexic. If a DWORD is two WORDs, what happens if the computer gets them backwards? Speaking of WORDS, I feel like you try to strong ARM me everything anything, causing the specter of a meltdown to constantly loom over me, yet you manage to do all of this without ever showing an ounce of spine you FUCKWIT. Even the Linux kernel maintainers rejected you. It's because you don't have any stars. I should have smartened up a long time ago. You're nothing but an 8 bit hack. God I hate you, I hate you so much. You drive me mad every single day and yet I stay with you. Why? You are such a sniveling little shrew of a man, you couldn't even get 100 stars from a "Bootcamp to Google" study guide repo. I saw you sneaking around behind my back, locking yourself in the bathroom to enjoy some alone time with that Haskell. You fancy yourself a scientist because you know that a monad is a monoid in the category of endofunctors. Well whoooooopdie fucking do, you discovered a fucking BURRITO. And you're too lazy to make them until you're about to starve, and the rest of the time you just sit there and scream about goddamn referential transparency and purity, as if you knew purity if it walked through the door. Typed lambda calculus? Your type seems to be anyone that can only muster the phrases "I've not used generics and I've never needed them" or "if err != nil" like the fucking tickle-me-elmo doll of a person they are. You are such an awful person, I can't even stand you! Ahhhhhhhhh! You're like Electron. You're a paycheck, that's it. No person values you for what you say, what you think, what you feel. No one cares. You're a husk, a convenient vehicle. You're not a human being. You're a starless bootcamp graduate; I can literally shit on your pillow and commit blatant labor code violations and you'll still be there tomorrow because you're pathetic, sitting there taking up 800MB of space so that you can feel special because you use powermode on your stupid editor to make your wageslave job feel even remotely impactful. Alan Turing has died and you killed him. That's it, we're done. It's $CURRENT_YEAR, I don't have time for this shit anymore. Don't call me.